?

Things that make me mad:

• A loser boyfriend getting to break up with me instead of the other way around.
• Not listening to Sarah and everyone else that told me he was poopey.
• Not telling said boy how I really felt about him when he acted like a turd before last night.
• A good friend siding with him instead of not siding at all.
• Mr. Hick's class. (Work, work, work, and yet more work.)
• Crybabies won't can't solve thier own probelms so they dump it on others.
• Anyone who's addicted to something and that lets it consume them.
• Smokers
• Cheaters
• Alcoholics (Let's not get me started.)
• Not being able to depend on pretty much anyone but me.
• Buttholes in general.

Things that make me happy:

• Finally being free to do whatever I want.
• Music
• Not being addicted to anything...Except maybe Diet Coke...
• A small Kid randomly comming up and huggin me for no reason at church last night.
• My mommy making me pot roast , mashed taters, and green beans all at once for dinner.
• My doggy hopping up in my lap and giving me a big kiss on th cheek.
• The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round song....hehehehe...
• Taylor randomly e-mailnig me just to tell me her teacher said doo- doo.
• My wonderful amazing friends who stand by me on a daily basis and put up with me. And who also have gone to all sorts of lengths to make me laugh..Allsion with her drawings ,Sarah with her comics and her wonderful computer that has a voice changer thingy....

Dear Mr. President

Dear Choir President,

I would like to enquire as to the fact of where in the world you get off thinking that you and YOU alone control the whole choir? Do you no realize that no one respects you or even remotly likes you? In your short term in office you've done nothing but whine and gripe and demand your way. You belittle all those in office with you and the chior as a whole. Your attitude towards your position in office downright sucks. You were very hurtful to a ood friend of mine today. Did you even realize how bad you hurt her feelings?

This whole t-shirt idea has gone far beyond what I would have expected. No one wants to pay an extra 30 dollars for a hoodie thier never going to wear. These t-shirt ideas can't be crazy. Do you not realize that were representing the choir when we wear them and flames make us look stupid? And when poor Melony gave you a t-shirt idea (Which bear in mind you haven't submitted crap.) All you did was say and I quote " No that's too simple. Were not having simple! I'm president and I say no. That design looks gay!" Did you not see the hurt in her eyes? Did you not see the anger in mine and everyone elses? Then when she took time and drew out a really cool design and was showing it to people you flew off the handle and threw your books down and walked off. What was that all about? Can you not handle the fact that maybe just maybe someone is better than you at something?

As for the way you treat others? Kindness really isn't a word that comes to mind. This morning when you said "I'm the presidnet and I say if we have a meeting you HAVE to be there!" To Tiffany and I when we didn't want to be around ou since you had strep throught. You've treated all of us like poo the past few days in our 'meetings'. Interrupting people, making fun of our ideas , calling us stupid! Did you not realize that Kevin D. stopped talking becuase he was tired of being made fun of? What kind of president are you? You think you have the most power? Mrs. Lambert told us all that we ALL have EQUAL power! Telling the whole class to shut up? Come on?

Without a doubt I didn't vote for you! I knew it would be like this. But I am a dedicated choir member so I 'm not going to back down from my post. And thatlittle comment you made in front of me today "I'm the president I can do whatever the f*** i want." Honey, I don't think so! How you feel if I said that? You'd be mad! You also can't get out of saying that when we tell Mrs. Lambert tomarrow. Even your own friends were badmouthing you when you walked off. And Honey, You don't want to know what they said. I'm just warning 'ya hun, when all the officers and choir members get mad and rebel don't act surprised. You have it comming.


Sincerly,

Me

Songs For.....

So here we go again. More drama out of my family member thats co-dependent...Ugh!!! This is getting annoying!!! We've tried all kinds of stuff to help and nothings worked...But since I don't want to get into trouble I'm going to skip all the massive details and hit straight on today's subject. Since music is a makor part of my life I created a playlist for this person. I'ts kinda long because its got 80 something songs on it, but it gets the message across. Here's my playlist all 8o something songs:

• And Fools Shine on - Damon Johnson
• Bad Day - Fuel
• Because of You - Kelly Clarkson
• Best of You - Foo Fighters
• Bleed it Out - Linkin Park
• Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day
• Breakaway- Kelly Clarkson
• Breaking the Habit-Linkin Park
• Call Me When Your Sober - Evanescense
• Candle in the Wind -Elton John
• Change - Deftones
• Coma White - Marilyn Manson
• Conversations with My 13 Year Old Self - Pink
• Dance of the Manitee- Fair to Midland
• The Devl's Reject's- Rob Zombie
• Disposable Teens-Marilyn Manson
• The Dope Show-Marilyn Manson
• Down-Blink-182
• Emotionless-Good Charlotte
• Fall to Pieces-Velvet Revlover
• Family Portriat-Pink
• Famous Last Words - My Chemical Romance
• Float on - Modest Mouse
• Fly to the Angles - Slaughter
• Get Out Alive - Three Days Grace
• The Ghost of You - My Chemical Romance
• Give 'Em Hell Kid- My Chemical Romance
• Going Under-Evanescence
• Halleluja-Rammstein
• Harder To Breathe-Maroon 5
• Hemmorrage (In My Hands) - Fuel
• Hold On- Good Charlotte
• How to Save a Life - The Fray
• Hurt - Johnny Cash
• I'm Not Okay(I Promise) - My Chemical Romance
• I Dare You - Shinedown
• I Miss You - Blink-182
• In the End - Linkin Park
• It's Been a While - Staind
• It's Not a Fashion StatementIt's a Deathwish - My Chemical Romance
• It Ends Tonight - The All-American Rejects
• Jumper- Third Eye Blind
• Let It Die - Three Days Grace
• Let It Go - Blue October
• Liar(It Takes One To Know One) - Taking Back Sunday
• Links 2,3,4 - Rammstein
• My Immortal - Evanescense
• Never Too Late- Three Days Grace
• No More Tears - Ozzy Osborne
• Nobody's Home - Avril Lavigne
• Nobody Knows - Pink
• Numb/Encore - Linkin Park
• One X- Three Days Grace
• Over and Over- Three Days Grace
• Over My Head- The Fray
• Overweight - Blue October
• Rosenrot- Rammstein
• Runaway - Pink
• Scars - Papa Roach
• Shadow of the Day - Linkin Park
• Snow (Hey Oh) - The Red Hot Chili Peppers
• Sonne- Rammstein
• Speed of Sound - Coldplay
• Tourniquet- Marilyn Manson
• Untitled- Simple Plan
• Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day
• We're Not Gonna Take It - Twisted Sister
• Welcome to the Black Parade - My Chemical Romance
• Where'd You Go - Fort Minor
• Who Knew- Pink
• Writing on the Walls - Underoath
• X-Amount of Words - Blue October
• You Know You're Right - Nirvana
• Zero- Hawk Nelson

All these songs make me think of this person in some way. Some not always word for word and some very accurate. I just hope this person gets some help because I really do love her but she's really driving me crazy.....

Here We Go Again!

Since there is a certain family member of mine that is struggling with some...'problems' I figured it was a good time to write about the other song I mentioned some posts earlier that help me cope. It's a song by an artist not really looked highly upon. However, he's one of my favorite ones ever simply because he really doesn't give a crap what you think. He also has a really pretty voice if people would listen to him. But, just cause he's the way he is doesn't mean I agree with how he lives his life. I think when it comes to his lifestyle he's a tard. But anyway heres the song : Coma White by Marilyn Mason. ( courtesy of lyricsfreak.com)

Theres something cold and blank behind her smile.
Shes standing on an overpass
In her miracle mile.
You were from a perfect world.
A world that threw me away today.
Today to run away.

A pill to make you numb.
A pill to make you dumb.
A pill to make you anybody else.
But all the drugs in this world,
Wont save her from herself.

Her mouth was an empty cut.
And she was waiting to fall.
Just bleeding like a polaroid, that
Lost all her dolls.
You were from a perfect world.
A world that threw me away today.
Today to run away.

A pill to make you numb.
A pill to make you dumb.
A pill to make you anybody else.
But all the drugs in this world.
Wont save her from herself.

A pill to make you numb.
A pill to make you dumb.
A pill to make you anybody else.
But all the drugs in this world,
Won't save her from herself.

Once again since I know theres haters out there. I don't agree with all the stunts he pulls. But I DO love that majority of his music. And if your going to leave a nasty comment about how stupid he (or I) am save your time, I'm just going to delete it. This song is more than lyrics to me. When I first heard it this same situation was goingon and it still is and I'm just....done...I mean really I'm done with the same old same old out of this person. I really do love this person but I'm done with her thinking that a week or two takes away all the pain. She's just clueless really. This whole 'situation has really blinded her from everything and everyone thats around her. When she wakes up from this 'thing' we'll talk. Until then.....

Can Someone Lend Me a Hand?

Okay, so I haven't posted in a while. Sorry. Theres a real good reason...But instead of rambling on now I'm going to tell you the story and ramble later.

"Nicole your granddaddy wants to go for a walk!" my dad screamed from the back door. I take walks with my granddaddy in the late afternoon. He's pretty much blind and deaf so he has to go with someone and use his cane. I threw on some old shoes and walked out the back door. He was in the driveway and since he hadn't been feeling well this week I asked if he just wanted to walk a short distance to the stop sign and back. He was pretty wobbly but he had been for a couple of week so I didn't think much of it. When we got to the stop sign he said he tought he could make it around the block. Since my dad was on my golfcart driving around I thought it'd be ok if we had to call for someone to come get him since that almost happened once before. I also took my cell phone...I almost decided to not take it...If I hadn't...Where would I have been...?Anyway we didn't even get halfway down the street when the worst DID happen...

He fell. H-A-R-D! We had been talking about my test scores from last year and he got quiet then stumbled and fell on the pavement. He landed on his right side. First his arm then his head. I screamed "GRANDADDY ARE YOU OK?!?!" silence....( since when was silence ever golden?) He said a few seconds later " Yeah I'm ok." I told him I'm calling gramma since there was blood trickling down from his head. I looked up and saw an older lady walking by! I made eye contact with her and she just kept going!!!!!!! I remember her face and I ALWAYS! will....I asked him if he was ok to stand and with much help from me he did. But I could'nt get gramma cause ...she was on the phone...(OF ALL TIMES?!?)

He started to wobble.I asked him if he needed to sit down. "Well I guess I need to.""What hurts?"" Well everywhere."And then there was panic. I freaked! I didn't know what to do! I helped him down and let him fall in my arms as I lowered him to the ground. I put my leg out so I could keep him up without falling over while I used my other leg for balance and tried to call gramma on my cell phone. I saw dad comming down the road on the golfcart! Thank God I'm saved I thought! I waved my arms....But he turned th corner to our house.. He didn't see me I realized. I don't think Iv'e ever been so disappointed. I couldn't leave him there and go for help...But I thought help wouldn't come for me...2 cars blew right past me....I thought He'd die there beacuse his head was bleeding bad.... I couldn't let that happen...But I had to do something!

I finally got through to gramma and told her and begged her to get dad. But she's older herself and couldn't move fast. I kept getting grandaddy to talk to me so I knew he was ok. But he said weird stuff and thought I was talking to him when I wasn't even on the phone. I kept telling him everything was ok and help was comming soon..I don't think I 've ever felt that bad when lying to a person...I knew in my heart if help came it would be slow. I called gramma another 3 times and each time she said she couldn't find dad. I think I was so scared at one point I told her I didn't care who she got just someone get thier @$$ down here NOW!!! She kept looking. I kept waiting. Grandaddy said at on point" How far are we in the road?" Of coarse I had to to the side. And my spunky teeange response was "I really don't care if were blocking a car! They can get over it!" He giggled. Finally I called my house...one ring...two ring...3....4....5...6...God no! PLease let someone pick up!!! 8...."Hello?"

"Dad get out here quick grandaddy fell!!"...Click. Someone was finally on the way... I leaned down and told him help really is on the way!!!! A few brief (and I mean very brief. Dad must have been going 80.) seconds later I heard the sound of truckie before I even saw it!! The sound of relief... Then the truck turned sharply on the road we were on. I would've jumped for joy had my leg not been the only thing keeping grandaddy up. "He's here!!" I screamed. Dad jumped out and came over. He grabbed grandaddyand helped him into the truck. Blood and snot was dripping down his face.

Bam! There was an image of Chance in my head, when he fell of fthe trampoline one summer and showed up at the front door all bloody up on his right side... That unfortunatly is still a very vivid memory in my mind. After I asked if he needed help and he said no I started running back home. I wish the track coach had been there...He would've put me on the team immediatly. When I was almost there my mom came driving up from a meeting she had just been at. I kept going, cause I really don't think I could've stopped. Gramma was on the front porch. She probably heard the truck take off and went to investigate. Mom pulled up and asked me what was wrong. I breifly explained that he fell then it all set in. The fall the blood EVERYTHING! And what did I do?

I cried. Flat out cried. I rarely cry. But just after all that, after fighting back the tears I wanted to cry back there but instead surpress them to try and be strong for him. All those emotions set in at once and it just ..Hit me. Mom told me it wasn't my fault and that it could've happened to anyone. Dad pulled up at that time and we got him on the porch and started to tend to the wounds. Then we decided to take him to the hospital. They hopped in a car, mom and I hopped in the truck, and Jan came after her meeting. They ran several tests on him. While we waited for doctors I called Sarah. Thank God I had someone to talk to. She told me her dad was comming out to check on him. ( He's the preacher at our church.)The doctors all asked me what happened and I had to explain to them several times the whole situation.

They were worried he had a concussion. Sarah's dad showed up talked and prayed over him. Finally I had to come home for school in the morning. Dad called later and said they had to keep him over night. He had a massive blackeye! I mean MASSIVE! And a skinned up arm but other than that he was fine. They kept him another night and he ccame home today!! ^_^

After looking back at that day I wonder what was going through that lady's head when she saw me. The preacher at our church was more than willing to come at 9:30 at might to just say a small prayer! And YOU! (yes you!) Would'nt even stop to ask if everything was ok! I remember her face.. She's got something comming. I'm not sure yet , but everyones I've told is MORE than willing to help. I just can't belive her! I was so mad I said if she was ever dangling from a cliff with one hand I'd stomp on her fingers. Then I decided I'm gong to show her the kindness she did'nt show me. I'll help her up and get to safety...Then question her on why she never helped me! Don't worry lady I remember you...And don't you EVER expect me to smile or wave EVER again. I'm sure when this gets out across the neighborhood nobody will want to smile at you!

Life is Beautiful

Recently I found a new song thats really amazing. People say music can talk to you. This song really did when I first heard it. Especially the first 7 lines. I was pulling an all mighter working on vacation bible school decorations...that's another post for another day.....Anyway I was going through some hard stuff. (and still am) So my first thought was " How can I get this person to listen to this descretly?" I still have'nt got there, but the few (if any) people who read this know exactly who I'm talking about. Her's the song courtesy of Moron.net.

You can’t quit until you try.
You can’t live until you die.
You can’t learn to tell the truth,
Until you learn to lie.

You can’t breathe until you choke.
You gotta laugh when you’re the joke.
There’s nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive.

Just open your eyes Just open your eyes,
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

I know some things that you don’t,
I’ve done things that you won’t.
There’s nothing like a trail of blood,
to find your way back home.

I was waiting for my hearse.
What came next was so much worse.
It took a funeral to make me feel alive.

Just open your eyes,
Just open your eyes,
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Just open your eyes,
Just open your eyes,
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Just open your eyes,
Just open your eyes,
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Just open your eyes,
Just open your eyes,
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Like I said this song pretty much describes my situation. Theres only one other song that describes it better, but I'm going to save that for another post. After reading this page You need to go to wherever you download your music, (If its illegal I won't tell I promise.) download this song, and listen to it. You'll understand it better when you hear it paired up with the music.

Make Way for Baby!

Here in a few months I'm going to have to share th espotlight as the only grandbaby on my mom's side of the family. It's been a long fun ride. When I first found out my aunt was pregnant I was shocked. " I'm not gonna be the only baby anymore!" I thought. Then after we found out it was a boy I got all excited because I am STILL the only girl! I ran around for a week saying ( to the tune of La Cuca Racha) " Its got a weiner! I'm so excited! Its got a weiner! I'm still the only girl!" But now I can't for that little guy to get here. Instead of buying one thing for him I bought a bunch of little things for him....I use the term little loosley.... Here's one thing I got him:

Is this not cute? And the best part was it was only 88 cents!

I'm not sure why I picked up these. The fabric print was kinda cute......

This little guy was sooo cute....That and I firmly belive that no child can start life without a rubber ducky.

I really thought this one was cute! But what it said on the back was even better.....

I really like the next three items on the list of things I bought the little guy. I got them all for 1.97$ a piece at J.C. Penny's I love the doggy on the pocket of the blue shirt.

I love this jacket! I thought it was a realy good buy since when he gets here it'll be cooler.

But this is my favorite shirt I got him. I love the colors and I love the little dinosaur on the front!

Of course I bought him some onesies to enjoy while he's little. This is cute.The frog, duck, and turtles are all playing leep frog with each other above the words "Best Friends"

This ones sooo soft! In case you can't tell theres the word 'boy' written under the word baby.

This is my favorite onesie! I love all those colors together and I especially love the little crocodile no the front pocket.

Needless to say this baby will not ever have to be naked! I know that his closet was crammed full a month ago with clothes! And I'm pretty sure I only made the situation worse!I'm sure I'll grow to love him even more even though he's gonna get the vast majority of the spotlight for a looooong time...I don't mind sharing too much anymore.... I have to remember to tell the rest of the family that when he gets here I'm goning to have to hold him last because when I get him I am NOT letting him go for a while!