- Are you over 'it' yet? NO! Il'' never be over what happened. I'm just as sad now as I was 8 years ago. This isn't something that just goes away.
- At least he's in a better place. What are you talking about!? He's not HERE with ME and my family where he belongs!
- At least he's not suffering anymore. What?! Why was he suffering? Even if he was I can't really think of a good reason why he had to suffer at ALL.
- I know how you feel. This one gets me everytime. YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE UNLESS YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH IT YOURSELF. Don't set there and make up things just to make me feel better. You look ridiculous if you can't think of anything better to say. Sometimes it's best to just offer a hug instead of words.
- Get on with your life. What?!?! Just because I have to continue my life and go forward doesn't mean that I always want to and that it never hurts on the inside. When you get to major milestones in life he never had, he gets in the back of your mind A LOT.
- Do you feel better? No I still miss him more than life in itself. These emotions don't just clear up over time. They'll always be there.
- God never makes a mistake. You really mean to tell me he took him away on purpse?!?!?! God just playing a game like that is just cruel and hurtful. You really mean he gave him life with us only for a while to be ripped away at a young age? Go stuff it!
- At least you had him for so many years. This one just really digs in there. I'm sorry could you repeat that? Oh.... Well what time would you have selected for your brother to die? Never? Thats the same answer I have.
- God nevers gives you more than you can bear at once. Well then apparently I'm just an emotional dumping ground. There are days when I just don't feel like handling what gets dumped on me. Besides who can decide how much I can take? Aren't I the only one who can anwer that question?
Monday, September 22, 2008
Some Q &A
These are some questions asked to me about 8 years ago. The answers that I Have now are pretty much the same as they were 8 years ago. These are questions and some statements that you just shouldn't ask. You may think your being polite and helping a person but really your not. Heres just a few of my 'favorites'.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Guess Who?
Can you guess who I'll be thinking about ALL this week based on this one song by Greenday?
Wake Me Up When September Ends:
Summer has come and passed.
The innocent can never last,
wake me up when September ends.
Like my fathers come to pass.
Seven years has gone so fast,
wake me up when September ends.
Here comes the rain again,
falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again.
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rests,
but never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up when September ends.
Summer has come and passed.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.
Ring out the bells again.
Like we did when spring began.
wake me up when September ends.
Here comes the rain again,
falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again.
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rests,
but never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up when September ends.
Summer has come and passed.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.
Like my father's come to pass.
Twenty years has gone so fast.
Wake me up when September ends.
Wake me up when September ends.
Wake me up when September ends.
Wake Me Up When September Ends:
Summer has come and passed.
The innocent can never last,
wake me up when September ends.
Like my fathers come to pass.
Seven years has gone so fast,
wake me up when September ends.
Here comes the rain again,
falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again.
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rests,
but never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up when September ends.
Summer has come and passed.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.
Ring out the bells again.
Like we did when spring began.
wake me up when September ends.
Here comes the rain again,
falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again.
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rests,
but never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up when September ends.
Summer has come and passed.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.
Like my father's come to pass.
Twenty years has gone so fast.
Wake me up when September ends.
Wake me up when September ends.
Wake me up when September ends.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Dear Family Member,
Dear family member,
Over the past few days I have lingured over what I'm going to say to you next time I talk to you. I can't put anything in complete sentances. I'm worried about you. I love you dearly (although sometimes I wonder) I just want you to be okay. Will you ever get there? I can't answer that question anymore. I wish I could. I wish I had answers to why you would put your own family your own flesh and blood through literal hell. I wish my parents had the answers. They never know what to tell me when I ask questions. They want to be able to tell me everythings okay but they know themselves its not. My parents are some of the ost important people in my life. You've hurt them in ways I'm not so sure anyone can undo. My mother has sat up nights and just been so upset and worried about you.
My mother has tried to help you so many times and you just keep pushing her limits. She literally saved your life when you were passed out on the floor in your home. Had mom and dad not come whn they did you would've been dead. She's lookde up several treatment facilities and you don't want to go. My mother has also been the one in this family that has talked to you when no one else wanted to even fool with your hind end. She's not even your blood and she treats you like family. You constantly screw her over. Do you know how hard it is for her to look her baby(me) in the eye and tell her about her aunt and her daily 'activities'. Do you not remeber talking to her worse than you would a dog just because she holds you responsible for your actions? Thats MY momma! Nobody says mean things to MY momma and gets away with it....
My daddy is another story. I love my daddy to death! You treat him worse than you treat my momma! Then you deny hurting anybody because your too scared to face your problems! You have hurt him in so many ways. He's carried you out of parking lots when your screaming and yelling and whooping and hollering about inappropriate things I can't mention here? He's tried and tried to help you and you keep running him over. You say he's the one with problems because yet again you don't want to take responsiblity for you actions. NOT A SINGLE THING THAT IS HAS DONE HAS CAUSED YOU TO DO WHAT YOU DO! Got that?!?! Quit blaming him for YOUR actions! All in the world he wants is an ok sister...You caused the tension between you two. Your the reason you guys aren't talking. He's also had to explain to me when you do stuff...That pains both my parents more than anything...What pains them more is that you can't see that...
Gramma has been through the ringer and back. You've aged both of my grandparents at least 10 years! Calling gramma all night making ridiculous claims about how she never loved Chance...Oh and all the lovely little comments you made that never made sense? Put a sock in it!! You have made gramma royaly mad this time!! You want to take care of Lindy Sr. but you don't even want to see your own parents?!?! Grow up! I know its hard to except the fact thier getting older but that should give you all the more reason to be around them more often! She's tried to be sympathetic but now thats ran out....
Grandaddy has just sat on the sidelines and suffered. He doesn't understand so much of this. You hurt both your parents in ways that was though impossible. Grandaddy just wants his little girl back. He lost one of his sons he doesn't want to bury another child. You've also taken a good 10 years off his life...Still you don't see that...
You've also hurt Aunt Shiela. She has bee nthe most patient one of us. She has constanltly defended you. She has come and got you on many occasions because we couldn't handle you in the state you wree in. You made her say the s word 6 times!!! Do you not see how bad that is? She has never said anything like that EVER!!! She' also come and got you when you were on a roll and dad couldn't do it by himself! You've aged her. You hurt her too....
And now we get to me. You have hurt me to the point where words can't express how I feel. You almost killed me one day when you were in your little state. Did you admit it? Of coarse not. You threw a phone at me one time in your rage. Of coarse you claim to not remember that.the morning. But you sure remember when way say something when your messed up. Funny how you can't remember what you say.... Its' also funny how I used to be the one you ran to until I got fed up. I'm tired of sitting up at night crying, wondering if your going to be alive in the morning. I'm tired of all my family crying over you and yor situation. That whole little deal you made up where I won't get anything in the will if I didn't start talking to you? Thats a load of poop! Do I look like I just rolled off the pumpkin wagon? Money doesn't mean that to me! I'm sorry but thats just desperate!
This past week has shown that you realize that you have no one that you can call for a favor. It's all your fault. You burned that bridge, Not mom, dad, gramma, grandaddy, aunt Shiela, or I did this! The balls in your court now. You can get treatment or.... Well I'm really scared of the alternative. You and I both know what that is. I wish you'd go with the first option....Before you die because of all this....
Your niece
Over the past few days I have lingured over what I'm going to say to you next time I talk to you. I can't put anything in complete sentances. I'm worried about you. I love you dearly (although sometimes I wonder) I just want you to be okay. Will you ever get there? I can't answer that question anymore. I wish I could. I wish I had answers to why you would put your own family your own flesh and blood through literal hell. I wish my parents had the answers. They never know what to tell me when I ask questions. They want to be able to tell me everythings okay but they know themselves its not. My parents are some of the ost important people in my life. You've hurt them in ways I'm not so sure anyone can undo. My mother has sat up nights and just been so upset and worried about you.
My mother has tried to help you so many times and you just keep pushing her limits. She literally saved your life when you were passed out on the floor in your home. Had mom and dad not come whn they did you would've been dead. She's lookde up several treatment facilities and you don't want to go. My mother has also been the one in this family that has talked to you when no one else wanted to even fool with your hind end. She's not even your blood and she treats you like family. You constantly screw her over. Do you know how hard it is for her to look her baby(me) in the eye and tell her about her aunt and her daily 'activities'. Do you not remeber talking to her worse than you would a dog just because she holds you responsible for your actions? Thats MY momma! Nobody says mean things to MY momma and gets away with it....
My daddy is another story. I love my daddy to death! You treat him worse than you treat my momma! Then you deny hurting anybody because your too scared to face your problems! You have hurt him in so many ways. He's carried you out of parking lots when your screaming and yelling and whooping and hollering about inappropriate things I can't mention here? He's tried and tried to help you and you keep running him over. You say he's the one with problems because yet again you don't want to take responsiblity for you actions. NOT A SINGLE THING THAT IS HAS DONE HAS CAUSED YOU TO DO WHAT YOU DO! Got that?!?! Quit blaming him for YOUR actions! All in the world he wants is an ok sister...You caused the tension between you two. Your the reason you guys aren't talking. He's also had to explain to me when you do stuff...That pains both my parents more than anything...What pains them more is that you can't see that...
Gramma has been through the ringer and back. You've aged both of my grandparents at least 10 years! Calling gramma all night making ridiculous claims about how she never loved Chance...Oh and all the lovely little comments you made that never made sense? Put a sock in it!! You have made gramma royaly mad this time!! You want to take care of Lindy Sr. but you don't even want to see your own parents?!?! Grow up! I know its hard to except the fact thier getting older but that should give you all the more reason to be around them more often! She's tried to be sympathetic but now thats ran out....
Grandaddy has just sat on the sidelines and suffered. He doesn't understand so much of this. You hurt both your parents in ways that was though impossible. Grandaddy just wants his little girl back. He lost one of his sons he doesn't want to bury another child. You've also taken a good 10 years off his life...Still you don't see that...
You've also hurt Aunt Shiela. She has bee nthe most patient one of us. She has constanltly defended you. She has come and got you on many occasions because we couldn't handle you in the state you wree in. You made her say the s word 6 times!!! Do you not see how bad that is? She has never said anything like that EVER!!! She' also come and got you when you were on a roll and dad couldn't do it by himself! You've aged her. You hurt her too....
And now we get to me. You have hurt me to the point where words can't express how I feel. You almost killed me one day when you were in your little state. Did you admit it? Of coarse not. You threw a phone at me one time in your rage. Of coarse you claim to not remember that.the morning. But you sure remember when way say something when your messed up. Funny how you can't remember what you say.... Its' also funny how I used to be the one you ran to until I got fed up. I'm tired of sitting up at night crying, wondering if your going to be alive in the morning. I'm tired of all my family crying over you and yor situation. That whole little deal you made up where I won't get anything in the will if I didn't start talking to you? Thats a load of poop! Do I look like I just rolled off the pumpkin wagon? Money doesn't mean that to me! I'm sorry but thats just desperate!
This past week has shown that you realize that you have no one that you can call for a favor. It's all your fault. You burned that bridge, Not mom, dad, gramma, grandaddy, aunt Shiela, or I did this! The balls in your court now. You can get treatment or.... Well I'm really scared of the alternative. You and I both know what that is. I wish you'd go with the first option....Before you die because of all this....
Your niece
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